It’s crazy to think that this time last year, my life was so different to the way it is now. Little did I know, it was only a matter of days before it changed forever. And I guess that’s where I started to put my life on hold.

I’ve lived and died so many times since, especially in the past four months. It’s like one day, I’m loving my bubble, watching rom coms, trying new vegetarian recipes and journaling a lot. Next, I’m crying, arguing with my mom, eating instant noodles after midnight and playing my sad playlist on infinite repeat. 

Perhaps what makes life feel a lot more surreal now is the uncertainty revolving around this pandemic situation that has disrupted our normal way of life. I remember the uneasy feeling I had when my therapist asked me what I wanted to accomplish in the next couple of months. I had no idea... I mean, I usually am okay with not knowing where I'm going, besides, I only have a few things that I really look forward to. But had this pandemic not happened, I knew I would have had different answers. It felt like there were sad confetti thrown at me for the paths I almost took, if that makes any sense.

But then again, life isn’t meant to be certain and perfect, is it? Maybe years from now I'll look back at this time of my life and either laugh at it or see what the fuck it was all for. Who knows?

As I’m writing this, I’m listening to Sabrina Claudio’s “About Time” and I begin to wonder, this time next year, what I'll be doing and feeling? What my life will look like?