Many nights I've spent laying down, being swallowed up by my own thoughts.
Used to start dreaming by 9. 
Now it's midnight, eyes are still wide awake.
I'm not falling asleep.

There's so much pain in thinking about all these tough shit days.
As if my heart gets jabbed by a knife, head is slammed, until I can feel tears streaming down my face.
"Am I lost?" I ask myself. Silence follows.
I'm not falling asleep.

Nothing puts me at ease in the moment.
Everything seems to move at the speed of light, only these legs stay in slow motion.
I fight so hard to pull myself from these lonely thoughts. I lose.
I'm not falling asleep. 

The clock keeps on ticking and my eyes are starting to feel heavy.
"Things will get better in time" is a lie I'm telling my head to believe and a promise my heart trusts.
I am going to sleep.

As I take a long, deep breath and slowly shut my eyes, I hear the voices inside my heart shouts:
"Find me."

Photograph by Lulu Nisrina